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This Free Bird

2015 Get Quiet Be Still

When I turned the bend on 2015 I flipped 2014 the middle finger putting that September stroke in my rearview mirror. Peace out and don’t come back now, ya hear? My plan was to stay focused on my health, be in the moment and not…

January 1, 2016

All I want for Christmas is a placenta face mask

My dad: what’s that stuff you’re spraying in your hair? Me: dry shampoo My dad: you should use febreze ———————————— I’m at home in Canada. They keep it pretty simple where I grew up. People tell it like it is, no one cares if…

December 25, 2015

A baked potato and a xanax, sir

Yesterday I got up, laid there for a sec to see if my head was still spinning (head, are you still spinning?), swung my legs over the bed and paused. <pause> <pause> <pause> Yep, thar she spins (madly on, for all you Weepies fans).…

December 8, 2015

Be the apple pie

When I was a kid I had a t-shirt that said ‘I’m #3, I don’t try at all’. I got it at the sports shop while I was waiting for my skates to get sharpened aka twiddling my thumbs while my brother picked out more hockey…

December 1, 2015